A Picture Of You On My Mind by D.A. Kent


D.A. Kent


I suppose a lot of us J/C writers have that one J/P story inside us, that one episode on the holodeck where one major character catches another in a compromising position, a completely uninhabited love story that won't mean anything in the long run because it must forever be hidden away, with no one the wiser . . .
Here's my story . . .

As Tom walked down the corridor toward the holodeck, he mentally calculated how much time he had before meeting B'Elanna.

She was working a double shift today; one of her crewmen had broken his arm when a piece of conduit had fallen on him, and even though the Doctor had repaired it quickly, B'Elanna had given the Ensign a day off to rest.

Tom smiled to himself. B'Elanna would never admit to being a softie; she pretended to give the man a day off so that she wouldn't be blamed for working him too hard if he later complained to the Doctor about his injury bothering him.

As Tom approached Holodeck One, he saw that it was in use. Checking the current time against his own scheduled time on the holodeck's monitor, he saw that he was early. He had another 30 minutes to wait until his scheduled time. He sighed. Of all the days to remember his time wrong, this was the day he was actually on a timeframe.

As he was about to turn away, out of the corner of his eye he noticed that the privacy lock had been called forth, but not engaged. That was odd. Oh, well, whoever was in there had decided on privacy, then forgot to engage the lock. It wasn't his business. Still . . . it was odd.

He checked the log on the monitor again and saw that the Captain was currently in the holodeck. So, it was Captain Janeway's time he had nearly infringed upon! He shook his head and smiled to himself. Sometimes he was convinced that there really was a higher power looking over him.

Again, Tom started down the corridor, but stopped. It was very odd that the Captain would forget to engage a privacy lock. She was human, and was as apt to make a mistake as anyone, Tom tried to tell himself. Truth was, though, he didn't believe it. The Captain may occasionally make a mistake, but she wasn't negligent. She didn't forget little things like this.

Slowly, he turned back toward the holodeck. He didn't know what he was going to do once he got there, but he certainly didn't want anyone else to discover what he had just figured out, and maybe walk in on her if she were doing . . . something private.

Reaching the holodeck doors once again, Tom stopped. He didn't want to disturb her, but he had to do something, and quick. He didn't want to be found hanging out in front of the holodeck, with the Captain inside. It might look suspicious, and besides, he felt really uncomfortable and was sure he would appear guilty of some wrongdoing to anyone who walked by. Especially Tuvok.

That last thought alone was enough to make him decide quickly to go inside to make sure the Captain was all right.

"Computer, open doors," whispered Tom.

The doors opened, and Tom entered. The doors quickly and silently closed, then disappeared from the program completely, leaving him in blessed quiet.

The light was dim at the outer edge of the program where Tom was standing, but he could make out a beach and a beautiful ocean view not far away, about 200 kilometers ahead. He noticed that he was standing in the edge of what was a forest, or some sort of shady border, but his eyes hadn't yet fully adjusted and he couldn't quite make it out yet.

But then, a movement on the beach caught his eye, and he started walking toward it. Just as he reached the edge of the trees where the beach started, Tom stopped quickly, holding his breath.

He saw the Captain on the beach. She had been swimming, he noticed, because her hair had dried, but it wasn't styled, the way it usually was. He could notice a slight wave in her hair as the sun danced lovingly upon it.

But the thing he noticed most was that she was completely naked. She was walking along the sandy beach slowly, thinking that no one could possibly come in to interrupt her. He swallowed the lump that was suddenly in his throat. Janeway thought she had engaged the privacy override then. She must have been distracted, and had simply forgotten.

He quietly moved back a couple of steps, hiding in the shadows. Tom held his breath. What was he going to do now?

But he had frozen completely. He couldn't move. Just the sight of her made his heart beat faster, and he had a sudden erection that couldn't possibly be ignored if he were caught now. Oh, gods, why did the worst possible situations always happen to him? How did he always manage to get himself into trouble?

But he still couldn't move. She was beautiful. That was all he could think about.

Of course, back when they had first found themselves stuck in the Delta Quadrant, and even before that, Tom had had his fantasies about Captain Janeway, just as he knew that most of the men (and, frankly, some of the women) had experienced fantasies about her. He had always known they were just fantasies, things a man's overactive hormones conjured up to help him ease his frustrations. Those fantasies had certainly been great, but they paled in comparison with what he found himself thinking about now.

He shook his head and forced himself to think. Think, Paris, think. What are you going to do now?

Suddenly, his breath caught in his throat. She had turned and was walking toward him!

Then he noticed a blanket on the ground not far from where he was standing. She was actually heading for the blanket! Gods, he was only a few meters away from it!

He was dead. He knew he would be caught; he always got caught when he tried to do something stupid, and now that it had been a complete accident, he was going to be caught anyway! And she would make him pay for this!

Tom stayed where he was, hidden in the shadows, as he watched the Captain walk up to where she had spread the blanket.

After holding his breath for as long as he could, Tom let it out slowly. He didn't dare move. Oh, but she was beautiful! Her breasts were full and firm and her nipples were erect either from the cool water or the slight breeze in the air. Her thick mound of pubic hair was only a shade darker than her hair. But the sexiest thing of all was the way she moved.

Tom couldn't remember ever being turned on so quickly or so completely. She was so sensual and elegant, and she was free and totally uninhibited in her nakedness. Of course, she was also alone on the beach, but Tom knew without a doubt that she was also exuding a natural self-confidence that was a part of her as both Captain of Voyager, and as a woman.

The Captain sat on the blanket and pulled her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around them. She stared out at the water with a sadness and a loneliness that made Tom's heart melt. He couldn't help but think what Chakotay wouldn't give to be in his place right now.

And why wasn't Chakotay here? It was a well-known and accepted fact among the Voyager crew that the Captain and the Commander were in love with each other, even though it was also an unspoken fact, even between them. From what anyone could ascertain, the Captain refused to involve herself in any sort of personal relationship because of what it could mean to her ability to command. What if she and Chakotay had a fight? What if she had to make a snap decision to send him into a dangerous situation, as she often had to do now?

As far as Tom could understand, the Captain was the only person aboard Voyager who seemed to think those were valid enough arguments to actually postpone any sort of relationship she and Chakotay might be enjoying now.

Maybe she was the only one who didn't know that being Captain was a very real part of her, not just something she had trained to be.

Seeing the Captain as she was now, Tom realized that she was even lonelier than he had ever imagined. Melancholy was a word that Tom never used or even thought about, but it popped into his mind now. She was always so good at keeping that Captain's façade in place, but now, here in this haven she had created for herself, she didn't need to pretend.

He watched as the Captain pushed the hair out of her face and sighed. Then she sat up straight and lay her knees down on the blanket. The sun danced off her hair. "Computer, initiate holodeck character."

Tom's heart stopped when he heard her begin to speak. He thought she was going to delete the program! Then there would only be the two of them alone on an empty holodeck, with no place for him to hide.

When he began to breathe evenly again, he looked up to see a male holodeck character standing on the sand next to the Captain's blanket. He was tall and muscular, and he wore tight bathing trunks that didn't quite hide what lay inside them. He was certainly a perfect creation of what all men wanted to be and all women wanted them to be. Tom watched as the man held his hand out toward the Captain.

"Kathryn, come. Let us go for a swim together." His voice was sensual, soft and very masculine.

"No, I've already been in the water."

"Then let me make love to you. You are a beautiful woman. I will satisfy your needs." With that the man pushed his swim trunks down and they fell to the ground. He stepped out of them and then turned back toward the Captain with a pretty incredible erection, Tom thought.

He watched as the Captain stared directly at the hologram's erect penis, then reached out to take it in her hand. Tom felt himself blushing; he couldn't believe he was hiding out on the holodeck actually watching this. He also couldn't believe how long he was maintaining his own erection, without having to convince it at all. It figured. The one time he wished it would go away, it wasn't budging.

Just as the Captain was taking the hologram's penis in her hand to stroke it, the man leaned over to kiss her. She allowed him to bend over and touch her mouth with his, but just as he reached to caress her breast, she pulled away and let go of his penis.

"Kathryn, I feel . . ." began the hologram.

"No. You don't feel. Computer, delete holographic character," she said, turning away from the hologram with a wistfulness in her voice that Tom had never heard before.

The hologram wasn't the man she wanted. Tom knew who she wanted, and for the first time, he actually felt sorry for Chakotay. Chakotay only thought he knew what he was missing, but Tom was fairly certain he didn't know the half of it.

Just as Tom was trying to get himself under control so that he could start to think again about getting out of the holodeck without the Captain being the wiser about his little escapade, he heard her sigh heavily, then watched as she leaned back on one elbow, and slowly begin to part her legs.

Her other hand came slowly up to her mouth and she took her index and middle fingers into her mouth to wet them. Tom actually stopped breathing. He knew what was coming now, and he really shouldn't be here. He had to get hold of himself and think of a way out of here.

But he couldn't pull his eyes away. His penis was throbbing, and he couldn't make himself think about escape right now, no matter how hard he tried. All he could do was watch.

The Captain had spread her legs and then slowly caressed her own breast, before running her hand gently down past her stomach and into the mound of pubic hair. Her hand continued its journey, until she dipped her index finger into her wetness, moaning softly. Then her middle finger joined the first one and she slowly began to move them in and out of her vagina, as her head fell back slightly and she closed her eyes. Her mouth parted, and she was panting softly.

Tom couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Watching her as she began to satisy herself, he realized there was no one else she could turn to without there being lasting effects and long-term expectations. Perhaps he understood a little better why she didn't go to Chakotay just yet. Maybe she would see that it was all right to go to him, in time. But for today, maybe she just needed to touch and be touched.

She was breathtaking.

Tom wanted to go to her more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life. The thought of it engulfed him and warmed him, and then scared the hell out of him at the same time.

There was no way he was going to walk out of the shadows and mosey up to the Captain while she was masturbating nude in the sunlight! Sometimes he amazed himself, he had such dumb thoughts! That would be the absolute worst thing he could ever do in his entire life! She would be livid! She would give him the worst talking down he had ever known, and she had laid some good ones on him in the past already. Then she would probably throw him in the Brig for the duration of the trip home.

Ah, but he would have this memory to keep him company, he tried to joke with himself.

She was so beautiful. And so lonely.

Then before Tom knew what he was doing, before he could stop himself or even ask himself why he felt he had to do this, it was done. He was walking out of the shadows and into the sunlight. He walked toward the Captain, and the blanket. He felt as though he had no control over his own body or thoughts, or his own reason. He simply had to go to her.

Captain Janeway was completely engrossed in her own actions, not realizing someone else was standing near her, until Tom stopped walking and his shadow fell over her.

Suddenly, the Captain opened her eyes and gasped. She sat up quickly and pulled her legs together. But she didn't grab something to cover herself with. She didn't have to, she was the Captain, and no matter what the circumstance, she would react as such.

"Mr. Paris! What in the hell are you doing here?" She stood quickly and Tom immediately found himself toe to toe with the Captain. They were only inches apart, and he was taller by a foot since she didn't have her Starfleet boots on, but she looked up at him and made eye contact with him as though she were fully clothed.

Tom forced himself to maintain eye contact. "Captain," he began softly. "The privacy protocols were in place but they weren't engaged. I was afraid something had happened to you, so I came inside."

He saw her eyes soften slightly, probably realizing what she had done, although she wouldn't accept this as a reason for him to watch her.

"Mr. Paris, leave this holodeck at once. You and I will continue this conversation in my Ready Room at 2000 hours. Is that understood?" Her voice was angry but controlled, and her eyes were steel.

"Yes, Captain," he replied softly. But he couldn't move. He continued to stare into her eyes.

"Then what seems to be the problem, Ensign? Why are you still here?" she asked, her voice slightly less angry, and a bit surprised. She wasn't accustomed to having her orders ignored.

"You've watched out for me for so long now, Captain. Let me be here for you." He didn't know where the words came from, but after he had spoken them, he realized how very true they were. He did want to be here for her; he wanted to make love with her, to tell her he understood, and to let her know that, just this once, she didn't have to do this alone.

"Leave, Mr. Paris. Now." Her voice held less anger, but it was still firm, and she wasn't budging.

Tom remained where he was, as well. "Please, Captain, just this once. Let me love you. Please," he whispered the last to her.

She didn't move, just held her ground and looked deep into his eyes. What she saw there must have convinced her of Tom's convictions because the anger in her eyes was replaced with a look of pain and incredible loneliness, but Tom saw that she was still trying to push those emotions deep inside of her. Even now she didn't want him to know how deeply she was hurting.

Tom slowly lowered his mouth toward hers. She didn't move at first, didn't seem to react at all, but just kept looking into his eyes, probing. Then just before his lips touched hers, he stopped, waiting for her to make the decision. This had to be something she wanted; he would never force himself upon her.

The Captain finally tore her eyes from his and brought them down slowly to look at his mouth, as she almost imperceptibly tilted her head to meet his lips. She was tense and did not respond at first, but Tom was gentle, yet persistent. He softly brushed her lips with his several times, then gently forced her lips to part slightly with his tongue. She moaned slightly, as he flicked his tongue at her lips, then her teeth. Finally, she opened her mouth to allow him inside, and he gently continued to flick his tongue, first at the roof of her mouth and her teeth, until she tentatively brought her tongue up to meet his, and he felt her shiver. They both moaned as their tongues met and danced together, and Tom thought he had never tasted such sweetness.

Having been careful not to touch her body, Tom now pulled back to look at the Captain with a question in his eyes. She looked at him steadily, then said in a whisper, "We can't continue this, Tom."

"Yes, we can," he whispered back. "Let me be here for you. Just this once, Captain. Let me take care of you this time, in a way that I can." Their faces were just inches apart, and they continued to look deeply into each other's eyes.

But after a moment, she said softly, "You don't understand. I . . . can't do this . . ."

She pulled her eyes from his and looked away, out at the water, and he suddenly understood what she was telling him. Even though she and Chakotay had never made a stated commitment to each other, she still felt committed to him, and connected to him. And since she wouldn't allow Chakotay to make love with her, neither would she allow herself to be loved by anyone else.

Tom slowly brought his hand up to her face and gently touched her chin, forcing her to look back into his eyes. "Then let me be him."

Her eyes reacted with surprise, and Tom himself was surprised at his own offer of complete unselfishness. Yet he meant every word of it. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her.

They stood there looking into each other's eyes, while he waited for her decision. He watched every possible emotion cross her face, then fade. Finally, when all that was left was sadness, and she still didn't respond to his invitation, Tom gently kissed her again. He lay his hands on her bare shoulders, and they both moved slowly down onto the blanket.

As Tom lifted his mouth from hers, he saw that her eyes were moist. But she didn't turn away from him. She was being perfectly honest in her emotions, and he wanted nothing more, and nothing less, from her.

The Captain slowly moved to lie back on the blanket, and Tom lay next to her on his side, facing her. She turned her face to look at him, and he looked back into her eyes. He wanted her to be comfortable with him before he touched her in any way, no matter how difficult it was for him not to run his hands over her perfect flesh.

Finally, he saw her take a deep breath and let it out slowly. She seemed to have made up her mind about something deep inside her soul. It wasn't his business; he merely waited for her to be sure. Then she nodded at him almost imperceptibly. No one else would have noticed or even have been certain it truly was a nod. But Tom knew. And the pain in her eyes became need.

Now Tom moved his eyes away from hers and gazed down at her body. He was direct, and he knew his eyes shone with lust, but he wouldn't hide his feelings from her any more than she had from him. Fair was fair.

Finally, he ran his hand gently, softly over her skin, and felt her shiver beneath his touch. He caressed her neck, shoulders, then ran his hand between her breasts. Her nipples became even more rigid at his negligence of them, and she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.

He had never been so aroused in his life. Nor had he felt a woman give herself to him so completely.

Gently, slowly, he ran his hand over her taunt stomach. He felt her stomach muscles tighten at first, then she forced herself to relax them slowly. He waited, keeping his hand still until he felt her relax completely.

She opened her eyes once again, and turned toward him. He looked into her eyes briefly, letting her know what this meant to him, then slowly moved his eyes and his lips toward her breasts.

She moaned slightly, and arched her upper body toward his slightly parted lips. An invitation.

Tom leaned down and flicked his tongue against the hard nipple of her left breast as his hand reached her right breast, stroking that nipple gently. She took a sharp intake of breath, then he felt her gasp again as a shiver went up her spine. He had never felt a woman respond so passionately to his touch.

Tom's penis was pulsing, wanting out of its confinements, but it was going to have to wait. He carefully kept it away from her body, not wanting to excite himself any more than he already was. He had to hold himself in check or he would ejaculate right into his uniform, and that would definitely not be a good thing.

He leaned over her and licked her nipples, one and then the other. He nibbled them, and grazed them with his teeth. She thrust them into his mouth, moaning softly.

Finally, he moved his lips downward, and kissed the soft skin of her stomach, and her belly button. He gently stuck his tongue inside her belly button and felt her shudder again at his touch.

Tom raised his head and brought his face back near hers. He needed to look into her eyes. She seemed to know instinctively that he needed her permission to continue. She opened her eyes and looked deeply into his. She brought her hand up to his cheek, then dropped it to his chin. She looked longingly at his lips, and he brought them to hers and kissed her again. He licked her lips and flicked his tongue inside her mouth, tasting her. She returned the kiss, wrapping her tongue around his. Gods, but she tasted so good, so sweet.

Then he gently pulled his mouth from hers and looked into her eyes. A fire burned inside them, and he knew immediately that she was giving herself to him completely.

As he moved his hand below her stomach, she parted her legs to allow him entry to her most private parts. He heard himself moan this time, and neither looked away from the other's eyes.

Moving his hand between her legs, he gently parted the folds of her labia, and as he moved over her clitoris, he felt that it was already hard and warm. He gently rubbed it with the ball of his thumb. She gasped and opened her mouth, breathing heavily. He moved his mouth closer to hers so that he could feel her warm breath on his face. She tasted and smelled so sweet. He was reminded of honeysuckle in May, on Earth. He closed his eyes briefly and allowed the feelings to overcome him. When he opened them again, she was watching him, but he felt no embarrassment, no shame or apology for his enjoyment of her.

Tom moved his fingers down further and felt her wetness. She watched his face, as she moaned softly. He gently continued his exploration of her with his hand, at the same time lifting himself up from the blanket and looking into her eyes, again awaiting approval.

In response, she moved her legs further apart, and Tom moved between them. Oh, gods, how he wanted to taste her! He moved his hands under her buttocks, and she spread her legs as wide as possible. He was mesmerized. Never had he been with a woman who was so completely honest and comfortable with her sexuality that she would allow herself to be seen and loved so passionately in the sunlight, and without reservation. He couldn't make his penis stop throbbing wetly against his regulation Starfleet underwear.

Moving lower, Tom brought his lips down to her clitoris and rubbed it with his tongue. She moaned and thrashed, and Tom gently closed his mouth over it and licked it, then sucked it, as gently as he could.

Lowering his head further into her, he licked his way slowly toward her vagina. As much as he wanted to taste her, he wasn't going to rush it.

Finally, he reached the well of her wetness, and gently, slowly moved his tongue inside her. This time, when she moaned, he moaned as well. She was so wet, and she tasted so good. He drank from her, and enjoyed the sounds of pleasure that came from the back of her throat.

Finally, Tom sat back onto the heels of his boots and looked up at her with a passion he had never known before. He wanted to crawl inside her, feel her, taste her completely.

As he looked into her eyes, he saw a burning passion he had never seen before. She was looking at his mouth, his wet lips, then she returned her eyes to his. An invitation. She wanted to taste herself from his mouth.

Tom felt his own breathing intensify, and his heart was beating so fast he could almost hear it echo in his ears. He returned to her well, and with his tongue deep inside her, filled it with her juices. He brought his tongue back into his mouth, but held her juices for safekeeping. Then he moved slowly up her body, to her mouth, then stopped and looked into her eyes.

She looked into his eyes briefly, then moved her eyes to his lips. She looked at them with such longing, he felt a shiver go up his back. But he waited. She brought both her hands up to his face, slowly, gently. She tilted her head to meet his lips, and licked them and sucked them with her mouth until they were dry. Tom had to work hard to keep himself from exploding inside his uniform, and his breathing was strained.

Finally, as he watched her with a rapture he had never known before, she forced his lips and his teeth open with her tongue. She moved her tongue inside his mouth and licked his teeth and the roof of his mouth, as he groaned and whimpered. Then she moved her tongue against his, exploring, then finding the juices that he had brought for her. They wrapped their tongues together, tasting, sucking, licking. Tom had never known this sort of passion, this type of lovemaking, and it was incredible with this woman. He was just getting to know her intimately, and he would never know her this way again.

As he moved his lips from hers and looked deeply into her eyes again, he asked a silent question and she gave her silent answer.

Standing slowly, Tom began to undress himself. He took off his jacket, then his regulation turtle neck and his t-shirt. He took off his boots next, then his socks. He moved slowly, and without embarrassment, even though he knew that she was watching his every movement intently. Finally, he stood and faced her, then removed his underwear, allowing her to look fully upon his hard, throbbing member. He stole a glance down at himself to be sure, and was relieved to see that he had a full erection straining toward her, wanting her.

She stared at him, wanting him as well, then looked into his eyes, letting him know that it was all right. She sat up then, and reached her hand towards his penis. He held his breath, willing himself not to spill into her hand. It took all the will power he could summon, as he felt her warm, soft hand close over him. He closed his eyes and concentrated. Please, no, don't let go . . . Then he gasped and his eyes flew open. She was licking the tip of his penis! Her tongue was flicking the tip, then she took it into her mouth. He sucked in his breath suddenly, and she pulled away and looked into his eyes, realizing how close he was to climax.

She released his penis then, and he moved between her legs and kneeled between her thighs, rubbing his hands lightly inside them, and listening to her moans, feeling her strain toward him. Her legs were spread apart fully, and he looked at her completely. She was incredibly beautiful and he had never made love so totally.

Leaning down to taste her again, she lifted her hips toward his waiting tongue. He thrust his tongue inside her, and licked, and nibbled her gently. She sighed, and moaned, and thrust her pelvis into his face, wanting more.

Tom raised his head from her, and moved slowly up her body to taste her breasts one last time. He sucked and licked and she continued to moan loudly. He realized that she was as close to climaxing as he was.

This was it then. He could prolong their lovemaking no longer.

Tom moved up to her and looked at her longingly, lovingly. He wanted her to see what this meant to him. Her eyes met his, once again, and he felt her unconsciously position herself beneath him, knowing that the time had come as well.

Pressing his penis gently against her vagina, Tom realized they were both tense with desire.

Their eyes remained locked together as he gently thrust himself inside her. They both gasped hard, and Tom struggled to breathe properly. He realized her heart was beating as quickly as his, and her breasts were moving up and down rapidly. She moaned again, and small sounds escaped from deep inside her. He kissed her lips softly, memorizing them.

She met his thrusts with her own, encouraging him to quicken his pace. He knew that he would explode in only a few more seconds, and he did something he would never regret for as long as he lived.

Tom leaned forward and nipped her left earlobe with his mouth in order to get her attention. She was breathing so rapidly, and thrusting against him so desperately, that he had to get her attention quickly. She turned toward him then, thinking that he wanted to kiss her while they climaxed together.

Instead, he leaned toward her and whispered softly, "Let me be him. Make love to him. Don't wait for me, go to him now."

With those words said, he increased the pace of his thrusts inside her, and felt her legs tighten around him, as she lifted herself up and into him, forcing him so deeply inside her, he didn't know if there was a way out, or if he even cared anymore.

Suddenly, he felt the heat sear through him, then felt himself explode inside her, and as he did so, he felt her climax as well, and the walls of her vagina began to throb and spasm against him.

She screamed Chakotay's name as she climaxed, shuddering and shaking in his arms, and as he spilled inside her, he heard himself scream her name. Kathryn. He held her tight against him, flattening her breasts against him, wanting to be a part of her, and wishing again that he could crawl inside her.

After they were both spent, only moments later, he lay his head against her neck, listening to her heartbeats gradually slow, and trying to catch his own breath. He was careful not to put his entire weight on her, but she didn't seem to care.

Tom watched her breasts move up and down in time with her breathing, memorizing their smoothness, their fullness, the way her nipples hardened when he breathed on them.

As reality settled around him, he didn't want to look at her. What would he see in her eyes now? Would she have regrets? Had she heard him scream her name as they climaxed together? He had never called her by her given name, not in public, and certainly not to her face.

But then, as both their breathing slowed, he felt her hand gently caress the back of his neck. He closed his eyes, more relieved than he would have ever believed possible. It was all right then. She was letting him know that it was all right.

He raised his head slowly, and looked up at her face. Her eyes waited to greet his, staring deeply into him. She thanked him silently with her eyes, and if she had heard him cry her name before, she didn't acknowledge it now.

Slowly, Tom moved, feeling himself fall out of her. He felt both their juices begin to pour out of her then, but she didn't seem to care about that, either.

As Tom sat back against his heels, she sat up to face him. Tom looked into her eyes again, glad that they could communicate with each other in this way. He didn't want her to say the words he knew would be coming soon enough.

But the Captain looked into his eyes deeply, and leaned forward to kiss his lips gently, softly. He felt a tingle run down his spine at the touch of her lips on his. Gods, but this woman was incredible.

Her legs were still spread open around him, even though her knees were bent, and he glanced down at the sight of their combined juices running out of her. She watched him look at her, knowing what he was seeing, neither embarrassed nor shy. And he allowed himself to look without hesitance, knowing that she was completely at ease with their honesty.

After only a moment, knowing what he wanted, she slowly moved her hand between her legs and allowed him to watch while she gently pressed her first two fingers into herself, then pulled them out.

Tom looked at her wet fingers, wanting to taste them, wanting to know how their being together tasted. He would never know if he didn't taste for himself now.

But she slowly put her fingers into her own mouth, sucking them gently, and moaning softly in the back of her throat. Tom felt another erection begin, but he ignored it, willing it away. But she was so damned sensual.

After she had licked her fingers dry, she moved her mouth slowly toward Tom, tilting her head slightly. She stopped just inches from his mouth and looked into his eyes. Another invitation. Did he want to taste for himself?

He moved toward her quickly, afraid that she would move away, and licked her lips gently. Then he moved his tongue between her lips as she opened her mouth and took his tongue inside, allowing him to lick her and suck her tongue, tasting for himself the sweetness that the two of them had created together.

Finally, he moved away from her, wanting more, but afraid she would deny him. They would never be together like this again, and he was surprised at his own desire to taste her with abandon, to bond with her tightly enough now to last a lifetime.

How she could read his every thought, he would never know. She knew what he wanted, and perhaps wanted to give him back what he had just given her.

Lying back slowly, with her elbows propped behind her, she spread her legs wider, looking him in the eyes as she did so. She was allowing him to get his fill now.

His heart began to beat faster. He pulled his eyes from her face and looked down, between her legs. In the sunlight, she actually glistened from their lovemaking. She was completely wet, and he leaned over her to kiss her there one last time. She spread her legs even wider, and threw her head back, moaning with pleasure as he licked her and sucked gently, and took her into his mouth. He felt her clitoris actually harden in his mouth, and he suddenly realized she was nearing climax once again.

Tom pushed his hands beneath her hips and spread her open even wider with his thumbs. She moaned louder and her breathing became labored. He gently pushed his tongue inside her and moaned himself. Gods, she was still full of their sweetness, and he sucked and licked and drank the sweet warm liquid, knowing that he would never forget how they tasted together as long as he lived.

Suddenly, she arched her back and he knew she was climaxing again. He began to put pressure inside her vagina on her most sensitive part, and as he moved his tongue over it, he felt her jerk and spasm around him. Her juices flowed onto his tongue, and her vaginal muscles contracted around him. He kept his tongue inside her, experiencing it with her, until her spasms subsided.

He licked her and drank in her warmth, the sweetness combined with saltiness, then sat back on his heels and looked up at her face. She had watched him as he drank from her, and her eyes swam with a quenched desire, and a fulfilled need.

She leaned forward to kiss him one last time, and to taste the remainder of their lovemaking on his lips.

They held each other's eyes then, both knowing that it was time for him to go.

Tom stood and slowly began to dress himself. He didn't hurry. It wouldn't take long enough no matter how much time he took. He had to go, back to the world they lived in.

She watched him dress, thinking her own thoughts.

Finally, Tom turned to look back down at her. She didn't get up; there was no need. They had already said their good-byes.

What they had shared today was a moment in time that would never come again. It made him sad, yet at the same time he knew that this moment would never entirely leave either of them.

Before he turned to leave her, she called his name softly, the first word she had said in a very long time.


He turned.

"This . . . this can't happen again." Then she turned her eyes up to him, suddenly vulnerable. He knew that she wasn't telling him that she regretted it; she only wanted to know from him that this would go no further, and that he would expect no more from her.

"Understood, Captain," he said in a gentle voice, as he met her eyes evenly. He wanted her to know in no uncertain terms that he understood entirely that what they had shared this evening was their moment in time that had to be locked away, forever. And by referring to her by title, he also wanted her to know that his respect for her was unchanged, and unequalled.

His eyes must have conveyed what he was feeling, for she turned away after only a moment, with a slight nod to show him she understood, and a barely perceptible sigh that told of her relief.

They both understood, then, that this was a time that would not happen again, and one that, for all intent and purpose, had never happened at all.

"Well, good-night, Captain. I'll see you on the Bridge," he whispered gently.

Then he turned away quickly, and headed for the door, carrying a picture of her in his mind that would burn there forever. His Captain, sitting on the blanket on the ground, completely nude, and comfortable with herself, starring out at the blue water of the ocean with the wind blowing her hair slightly away from her face, those incredible blue-grey eyes full of a longing that she would never allow herself to satisfy completely.

But, today, just for a little while, he had helped to take away the pain.

Tom sighed. Honeysuckle in May.

She was the most beautiful woman Tom had ever seen.

And today, she had taken so much more from him than she would ever know.he had given her more of himself than she would ever know.

As Tom reached the edge of the beach, he looked back over his shoulder one last time. She hadn't moved.

He called "Door" in a soft voice, a reminder to him that he had to take the way out, that this had never happened, that he had to go back to the reality in which they both existed.

The door opened, and Tom stepped through it into the corridor.

And the Tom Paris that exited the holodeck that evening was very different from the one who had entered only a short while before.


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