Disclaimer: Paramount owns it and makes all the money. I just have all the fun.
First in ex artris On the Road
Rated PG 13
“Captain, I’ll take the helm.” B’Elanna slipped into the co-pilot seat of the flyer, handing the Captain a coffee. “Why don’t you go back and get something to eat?”
“Thanks, but this is fine.” Kathryn took the coffee and settled back in her chair. “I’ll get something later.”
“I know you, Kathryn, it will be just like the trip here. Later you won’t want to disturb whoever might be sleeping back there. You need to eat.”
“It’ll be a long trip home if I start out by making them uncomfortable this early. Let them eat in peace.”
“Please, Sam is quite comfortable with you and …” B’Elanna laughed. “I doubt anything could unnerve the Delaney sisters.”
“Well, being cooped up in this shuttle with their captain for another week just might do it.”
“Somehow…” B’Elanna shook her head,. “ I was hoping this trip would have the opposite effect.”
“You want them to make me uncomfortable?”
“Not at all. I was thinking they might loosen you up a bit.”
“Oh, you think I’m stuffy and uptight?”
“No! I know better and Sam has a pretty fair idea. The Delaneys however are as clueless as most of the lower decks.”
“That’s not a bad thing you know.” Kathryn swung her feet up on the console. “I am the captain, it would be nice if some one on the ship had a little respect for me.”
“Phatt, it has nothing to do with respect. We’ve been out here for seven years, everyone respects you and your position. How could they not after all we’ve been through? I just think it wouldn’t hurt for a few more people to get to know Kathryn—it certainly would be good for her.”
“Did Chakotay put you up to this?”
“To what? Thinking that you need to relax a bit, no, but I have no doubt he would agree. You’ve been isolated long enough.”
“I’m not isolated. I have friends.”
“Yeah, Tuvok and Chakotay— they're great and the captain needs them. But do they understand you?”
“Of course they do. Besides I have you.”
“Yes, you do, but you need more. OK, so Chak tries, he really, really tries, but he can’t.”
“What are you getting at?”
“Look, they understand your position, the pressure, the tactical strategies, and command decisions, the running of a starship, but do they understand you? How you think, how you feel?”
“I admit, I confound Tuvok from time to time but I think Chakotay understands me-- as much as anyone can.”
“Really?” B’Elanna put her feet up next to the Captain’s “When you beg and borrow his rations for coffee?”
“How about when you’re cranky, just a little too irritable and all you really what to do is throw that latest report at his head?”
“Sure.” Kathryn shook her head. “He’s not perfect either you know.”
“How about when you steal his last rations to replicate a big bag of potato chips!”
“Hey, what are you two doing out here?” Samantha entered the forward compartment.
“Talking about PMS!” B’Elanna turned to face Sam.
“Oh, our captain with PMS?! Look out Borg!”
“I do not have PMS.” Kathryn laughed “And for your information I don’t replicate potato chips. I prefer chocolate fudge.”
“Yes, fudge is better, much better.” Samantha leaned on the console between them.
“OK, whatever you pirate his rations for …”
“Do I ask whose rations you are pirating?” B’Elanna groaned at Sam's question and Kathryn just rolled her eyes. “OK, OK, I won’t ask—I get it already.”
“It doesn’t matter. Chakotay doesn’t find any of that behavior unusual – I usually steal at least half his rations.”
“Fair enough, but how about when you can’t sit still and all you want to do is jump his bones and have hot, violent, Klingon sex?”
"Who’s having hot Klingon sex?!" Meghan and Jenny asked together as they came forward to join the group.
“B’Elanna!” Sam blurted out with a wide-eyed look at the Captain.
“Oh, that’s not news.” Megan took a seat behind tactical.
“Wait..” Jenny came closer and looked carefully at each of their faces. “B’Elanna asked the question sooooooo….’” She turned toward Sam. “You have been holding out on us!”
“No, I ..”
“Yeah, Sam who is he?” Megan yelled.
“No one, I swear! Would I keep something like that from you?”
“No, I guess not.” Jenny dropped to the floor in dejected silence. “ I though we finally had something interesting to talk about. Not that mapping that sector wasn’t a … um.. interesting.” Jenny looked up at the Captain her eyes suddenly widening. “Captain?!”
“What? Is something wrong?” Kathryn tried to look innocent but she could almost see the wheels turning in Jenny’s head.
“It’s you!” Jenny got on her knees and glared at the Captain, as if she had never seen her before. “You are the one having hot Klingon sex!”
“OHMYGOD!” Meghan gasped.
“Who? Oh god, I gotta know this!” Jenny jumped up. “Someone on the ship?” She spoke mostly to herself, as she paced.
“Nah.” Megan jumped in. “I know, must be that guy from the power plant!”
“Oh, I don’t think so—I didn’t think he was so hot..” Jenny looked sideways at the Captain who sat quietly trying not to respond.
“Oh, I thought he was.”
“Meg, shut up dear. You have the hots for Chell- what the hell do you know about men?!”
“Hey! He’s cute. Besides I like blue.” Meg pouted.
“I’m gonna get a drink.” B’Elanna grinned as she slipped out of the chair. “Anyone want anything?”
Kathryn looked at her with pleading eyes but B’Elanna just laughed.
“OK, something hot and strong for the Captain. Anyone else?”
Any responses were lost in the roar of laughter.
“OK,. I got it! Oh, yes!” Jenny came back to look at the Captain. “Pleeaassee tell me it’s that spicy hot Devore!”
“He was --- what did you call him, Captain? Deliciously evil?” B’Elanna came back to her seat and handed a glass to Kathryn.
“Bourbon, you’re gonna need it before were finished here.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Kathryn rolled her eyes and sipped her drink.
“No problem.” B’Elanna settled down. “Now where were we?”
“Jenny was talking about the Captain having hot Klingon sex with that scary Devore.” Meg recounted as if any of them needed reminding.
“Yes.” B’Elanna grinned. “But the Captain wasn’t answering. Do tell Captain.”
“I’m not the type to kiss and tell.” Kathryn replied with a glare.
“So you admit to kissing him!?” Sam smiled and shrugged as the Captain’s glare turned toward her. “Just trying to be part of the team.”
“What team, the prosecution? And just for the record, I didn’t admit to anything.”
“But you did kiss him—didn’t you, Captain?” B’Elanna was having way too much fun.
“Please tell me yes. I would do that man in a second. You at least kissed him—right?” Jenny pleaded. “God he had it bad for you and he was soooo hot!”
“And he was the enemy, Jenny, remember?”
“Oh, yeah, great strategy. Throw him off the track, I always knew you were brilliant at this stuff, Captain.”
“Flattery is not going to get me to admit to anything.”
“So what will?” Meg chimed in.
“You are not going to tell us there is nothing to admit, are you, Captain?” B’Elanna egged her on. “What about the hot Klingon sex?”
“I did not have sex—hot Klingon or otherwise with Kashyk.”
“Oooh Kashyk is it? Well, if not Inspector Kashyk then who?”
“Samantha?!” Kathryn looked at her in shock.
“Come on Captain.” Sam now rolled her eyes. “The whole ship knows about B’Elanna and Tom, Meg will eventually trap Chell, Jenny has done everyone – well almost everyone and hell, even I have sampled a few of our fellow crewmates and I’m clearly the mouse of this group. You aren’t gonna tell us you’ve spent seven years out here and …… nothing, no one?”
“Yeah, Captain, besides hot Klingon sex is something to brag about! Oh I have a whole new respect for you.”
“OK, ladies, I will admit to kissing Kashyk, but that’s as far as it went.” Kathryn took a deep breath and sipped her drink.
“Damn that’s too bad, how come?” Meg shook head.
“She’s too damn good!” Jenny smacked the back of Meg’s head causing the Captain to spit her bourbon across the console. “You won that battle a little too fast, Captain. He left the ship a little too soon.”
Kathryn wiped off the console and Jenny continued to speculate, almost purposely ignoring the obvious.
“Tom? No, Klingon sex is good but Klingon revenge is not. Harry?” Jen looked up. “Nope he thinks you’re his mother!”
“Ayala?” Meg offered.
“No, Sam’s doing Ayala—oops!” Jen covered her mouth. “Sorry, Sam.”
“So Samantha, you and Mike Ayala—interesting.” Kathryn took a shot at changing the focus of the conversation. “I’d be interested in hearing about that!”
“He’s not all that interesting, Captain.” Sam blushed.
“Like hell he’s not!” B’Elanna blurted out.
“B’Elanna is that experience talking?” Kathryn was beginning to enjoy this conversation.
“Umm.” B’Elanna looked around at the group then settled her gaze on the Captain with a smile. “OK, that’s fair. Yes, as a matter of fact I am talking from experience.”
“Oh, details!” Jenny immediately turned to B’Elanna.
“Please Jen, there’s nothing about him you don’t know first hand!” B’Elanna waved her hand in the air, stopping Meg with her mouth open. “Don’t you try it either.”
“Damn, you and both of them!? And I thought Tom was our resident male whore. Mike seems to have gotten…..” Sam turned slowly toward the Captain. “You too?! Am I the very last woman on the ship to hook up with him?”
“No, Sam not me.” Kathryn laughed and shook her head. “Although, I must say he is not unappealing.”
“No, but I do have to wonder about it.” Sam gestured to the other three. “If no one else wanted to keep him, why should I?”
“It’s not that he’s not a keeper, Sam.” Jenny shrugged. “I guess I’m just not the keeping type.”
“You wouldn’t dump him just because he has a little past would you, Samantha?” Kathryn asked as she replicated another bourbon. “After all don’t we all have a bit of past?”
“Of course not. After all look around, B’Elanna… well OK so her past mostly involves engines…”
“And Mike.” Meg added.
“Yeah and Mike. And Jenny and Meg well they aren’t finished with making their past yet. There is a husband in my past and maybe even my future. Guess I have no room to judge anyone.”
“None of us have, Sam.” Kathryn patted her shoulder.
“And since none of us here are judging anyone…” B’Elanna grinned at Kathryn.
“B’Elanna.” Kathryn threatened. “I think if you ladies will excuse me, I try to get some sleep.”
“Come on, Captain, You never sleep.” B’Elanna smiled.
“Just admit it, Captain.” Jen taunted. “We all know the truth anyway.”
“Well, if you all know so much then you don’t need me to tell you.”
“But we want you to.” Meghan stood up and approached the Captain. “Trust us. Sam came out about Mike, well OK Jen outed her but so what. B’Elanna gave up some personal information – ok so it was an accident, but I admitted to loving that little blue baby and Jen – well forget Jen, just tell us!”
“Tattoo boy…” Jen grimaced at the shock on the Captain’s face. “Sorry, forgive my little pet name for him —any way he is what wet dreams are made of! We all want him but we know we can’t have him.”
“I’m sure he would be flattered to know that.” Kathryn rolled her eyes at B’Elanna and downed her drink. “Now I’m going to bed. Good night.”
Kathryn careful stepped over Meghan who was now sprawled on the deck between the co pilot’s seat and tactical, as she made her way to the aft compartment.
“Wait!” Jenny begged. “Just fill in the blank – one word that’s all.”
Kathryn stopped in the doorway keeping her back to the others to hide her grin. She had to admit she missed this kind of silly gentle teasing that could only come from women friends.
“Kathryn…” B’Elanna started
“..has hot…” Sam picked it up, passing it off to Meg.
“Klingon sex …” Meg nodded to Jen
“with…….” Jen held her breath with the others for several long seconds.
“Chakotay.” Kathryn finished and allowed the door to swish close behind her cutting off the loud whoops from the cockpit.
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