Disclaimer:  They were never like this at Paramount.  They own it all I just own the story.


Second in Astrogirls PADD contest

Rated: G

To: Captain Janeway
From: Neelix, Morale Officer
Subject: Crew Morale

As we discussed briefly this morning, morale is at an all time low all over the ship.  I believe, however, that I have seen a bright spot and would like to discuss this with you at your earliest convenience.

To: Mr. Neelix
From: Captain Janeway
Subject: Bright Spot

I am happy you see the light but I really don't have time right now.  Please forward your ideas for my approval.

To: Captain Janeway
From: Neelix
Subject: Brilliant Ideas.

Since only one source continually and consistently brightens the crew's morale.  I would like to have a gathering centered about that source, namely Naomi Wildman.  I have consulted with Naomi on various themes for this gathering and would like to discuss it with you at your convenience.  Full participation by the senior staff would serve to enhance the gathering and I have several suggestions in that regard.

To: The Very Capable, Mr. Neelix
From:  Your Extremely Busy Captain
Subject: Naomi's Gathering.

As I'm sure any gathering Naomi has in mind would meet with overwhelming approval, go forward with the plans and simply inform me of the time and place.

To: Captain Janeway
From: Captain's Assistant Wildman
Subject:  Party

Thanks for the party. I'll let you know the time and place.  So glad the senior staff will attend.  Please let me know who will play what parts and I will send costumes.

To: Assistant Wildman
From: Your Boss
Subject: Costumes

Naomi, I don't remember approving costumes.  Please explain.

To: The Very Best Captain Ever
From: The Happiest Assistant she ever had
Subject: Party of my dreams

Please, oh please, will you let there be costumes?  I want the senior staff to be Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs-- You can be Snow White-- pleeesse!

To: The Slickest Assistant a Captain ever Had
From:  The Easiest Captain She Ever Knew
Subject: Choosing Roles

OK.  I'll give on the costume party and the senior staff will come as SW and the little people BUT I get to pick the roles!

To: The Most Wonderful Captain in the Whole Quadrant
From: Her Ever-Grateful Assistant
Subject: Roles

Anything you say.  Tomorrow, 1900 hours in the mess hall.

To: Senior Staff and Lieutenant Ayala
From: Captain Janeway
Subject:  Mandatory Appearance

Your presence is required in the mess hall tomorrow evening at 1900 hours, at a gathering in honor of Captain's Assistant Wildman.  Proper attire will be forwarded to your quarters.  Don't be late. You-will-have-fun.

To: Captain Janeway
From: The EMH
Subject: Ridiculous Clothing

Although the bio attached states that this creature is indeed a doctor.  I find the short pants and the ridiculous hat to be very demeaning. Perhaps you have sent the wrong party attire.

To: Captain Janeway
From: Seven of Nine
Subject: Dwarf Clothing

I am unsure of making an appearance in the replicated attire you sent to the cargo bay.  As I am several feet taller than the depicted creatures and seemingly of the wrong gender, I would appreciate another costume.

To: Doc and Dopey of Nine
From: Captain Wicked Queen
Subject: Proper Attire

Deal with it!  1900 hours be there.

To: The Captain
From: Her Happy Helmsman
Subject: Type Casting

I for one am quite pleased with the role you have chosen for me and I look adorable in the short pants -- must say, so does B'Elanna, but she is a bit 'grumpy' about her name and the hat-well, that could be a problem.  Harry is kind of cute too, but is embarrassed by the costume -- he's too shy to tell you though.

To: Happy, Grumpy and Bashful
From:  The Wicked Queen
Subject:  Type Casting

Don't even go there!

To: Captain Janeway
From: Lieutenant Ayala
Subject: Invitation

Thank you for including me in your plans. The pants fit just right and I must say my butt looks good. However, I may need a nap before the party as I suddenly find myself uncommonly tired.

To: Lieutenant Sleepy
From:  Captain Wicked
Subject:  Sleeping

Over-sleeping is an old Maquis trick and until you get that old, I had better see you-cute butt and all-at 1900 hours.

To: Captain Janeway
From: Lt. Commander Tuvok
Subject: Illness

I regret to inform you that something in my Vulcan physiology is reacting adversely to the fibers of the garment you have so thoughtfully provided for Miss Wildmanís reception.  It seems I have developed short, sudden explosive reactions as a result of the irritation to my mucus membrane. In my present condition, it would be illogical for me to attend.

To: Lt Commander Sneezy
From:  Captain Iím Not Buying It
Subject: Tissues

Short pants, funny hat, 1900 hours, thatís an order.  Tissues will be provided.

To: Captain Charming
From: Her EX First Officer
Subject: Cross-Dressing

Forget it, Kathryn!  There are some things I won't do even for you!

To: Commander Snow White
From: Captain Wicked Queen
Subject: Rank

I still out rank you, SW -- watch out for the apples.

To: The Truly Wicked Queen
From: Far from Snow White
Subject: Poison

I thought this was about the party not your cooking!  BTW, the dress won't fit.

To: SW
From: WQ
Subject: Fitting

I'm sure the dress will fit fine, I replicated it myself to fit your every curve- I can't wait to see your legs! BTW, I'm bringing a supply of homegrown apples.

To: Wicked Apple Polisher
From: Commander in Drag
Subject: How this goes

OK, so I wear the dress and I eat your cooking.  Does that mean, I get saved by the kiss of my handsome prince?

To:  The Fairest of Them All
From: The Owner of the Mirror
Subject:  Kissing

I have heard it said that you must kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.

To: Her Majesty, Queen of Evil
From: Confused Drag Queen
Subject: My Prince

So if you are the wicked queen Ė then who is the handsome prince?

To: The Loveliest Wicked Queen
From:  The Prince of the Mess Hall
Subject: The rest of the story.

So when do I get to kiss the fair Snow White?

The End

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